Moving is weird.
I don’t mean the million and one thoughts almost constantly running through my brain that pertain to logistics – though there is that, too. I’m coming up on the Final Week and ye gods, those thoughts are running through my head all the damn time. The most recent version of my To-Do list is in front of me on my desk right now.
What I meant, though, is in relation to the liminal space of…well, my entire life.
I’m wrapping up the last week of working at my store. I have tomorrow off, then one day left. This doesn’t change what I need and want to get done during my shifts, contrary to those who who tease about, “When are you gonna just stop caring, huh?” 😛 But, I’m rushing around ordering this week’s Photo supplies while realizing I won’t be around to use them. I’m trying to help train in people, and remembering I won’t be working with them for much longer. Because of scheduling, I’ve already started saying goodbyes, even though I’m going back there at least one more time. I’m getting to know our new store manager, whom I’ll barely have time to work with before I’m gone.
Similar thing at home. Yeah, most of my stuff is in boxes and I’m hyper aware of how much more needs to get done, but I’m also still doing normal laundry and dishes. Mom made homemade “Chipotle” burrito bowls last night from a recipe I found online a few years ago. Loki’s chilling on the futon, confused by all the fuss but not really grokking what it all means. I think I got my car insurance bill today, still need to open it. (And get around to setting up my mail forwarding…pretty much everything I do in a day makes me think, “Oh yeah, and I need to do [thing].”)
I’m caught between two very different points in my life at the moment, not fully in either of them but in the gooshy space between.
My life here doesn’t have a magic stop-point just because so much of my head is focused on impending changes. Loki still needs to be fed and walked, I still need to run the normal errands, I still have nutty customers repeatedly asking me if *this* sweatshirt looks ok and wanting rainchecks for items they are literally buying at the time.
And then there’s the other Life stuff. A coworker had a Halloween party I was too tired and drained to go to – partly the move, partly just the close/opens I’ve had at work. I wasn’t able to do the 24 hour livestream for Extra Life I normally do, and I’m honestly sad about that even though I knew it was gonna happen and it was really the only option this year.
There’s people and places I’d like to see before I head out…and also the knowledge that I’m really not gonna have the time or energy to do so. This has been a thought since Rennfest though I can’t remember if I had the move date solidly set by then. (This is not a call to try to get me out of the house, I *mean* it that I’m not gonna have the time or energy for most things.)
There’s also other…just weird things. I just bought a new package of toilet paper and I’m looking at it thinking, “Am I really gonna go through all that before I leave? Why did I buy the big pack?” I have string cheese, and ham, and hummus, and about 500 bottles of sparkling water in the fridge/breakroom at work. Also an almost full bag of Bacon Mac and Cheese chips, bc of course I had to try those. So many random things I’m not about to *pack* but I should do something with.
I think what I’m trying to say in this part of my ongoing babble is that it’s also weird going from packing, say, my grandmother’s Bible to “What am I doing with my work snacks if I don’t eat them in the next week?” “I’m about to uproot my entire life and also crap, I don’t think I can make it to the movies this weekend, I’m sorry.”
In unrelated weird, I’m watching my bf’s live online show as I type this. I’m realizing this is the last show I’ll be watching from across the country, barring me ever having to travel without him. He’s not doing the show next week since we’ll be loading the truck, and the week after that I’ll *be* there.
It’s also weird talking about the weird. Most people close to me are asking, “Are you excited?!” It’s a normal question, and honestly yes, I am. 🙂 It’s also way too damn easy to lose track of that excitement in the weird, and the planning, and the finances, and Nash and I trying to figure out just which rooms will be off-limits to Loki (my dog) while Grady (his cat) adjusts. Too easy to fall into stress and planning and forget that yes, this is a huge life change but it’s a change to get to a place we both WANT to be. Literally, in this case, but also figuratively.
I very much appreciate that question, even if I have a moment of deer-in-headlights when asked right now. Being asked reminds me of that part and I think that’s important. Yeah, it’s messy and stressy and gives me about 5 million emotions…but it’s a thing Nash and I *want* to do and we’re making it happen (dammit).